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Eboni Black Eb

You Check Every Box For Me

Eboni Black Eb

Daily vlogger, mouth of the operation. This is where the long version live: my people, my babies, my outfits, my food, my receipts. Typed how I talk, nobody cleaning it up. Read first, comment second and if you got a local spot worth eating at, say it.

Happy Birthday Thad, Ima Slide On You

Happy Birthday Thad, Ima Slide On You
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Thad Hagan. My brother. Its ya birthday and I am coming to take shots. Not asking. Telling. Lock the door if you want, I know where the spare key at.

Now look at this picture cause this is the one I am putting up every year till one of us drop. Matching shirts. Sundays Are For The G’s. Him in the backwards cap doing the lil point at the chest like he came up with the shirt himself. Me in the red bucket hat, red shoes, cause if we gone match I am gone win it. Whole stadium behind us, cocktails tent, strangers walking through the shot, and we still ended up with the best picture in the parking lot that day.

Thats how it be with him tho. Loud, matching, in the middle of everything. You dont go to a game with Thad and stand in the back. You go to a game with Thad and by the third quarter he done made friends with a whole section and somebody name Dave is calling him bro.

So happy birthday my boy. Get the cups out. I am bringing the bottle, you bringing the excuse for why you cant hang no more, and we gone see who right by midnight.

Love you. Now answer ya phone.

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Alright Gatlinburg, Yall Been Good To Me

Alright Gatlinburg, Yall Been Good To Me
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Dear Gatlinburg,

Its been real. Ima be honest, I did not expect much from a mountain town with a pancake house on every corner, and you humbled me. Birthday celebration complete. I am headed back home to my kids and I am taking a jar with me.

Ole Smoky, this part is for you. Yall let me sample every flavor at the counter like I was a judge on a show. I stood there in the orange romper with a fan on a lanyard round my neck cause it was ninety degrees in that barn, tasting moonshine out of lil cups, nodding like I knew what I was nodding at. I did not. By the fourth one I was just saying mmm. Anyway I bought two. The one that taste like a pie and the one that taste like a mistake. The mistake one is for Jimmy.

Look at this picture. That is a woman who has been on vacation exactly long enough. Curls holding up, smile on, fan in hand, feet in slides that been walked in for three days straight. Somebody’s uncle in the back pretending he not looking. He was looking. He can look.

Here go what I am bringing home. A jar of moonshine, a jar of the other moonshine, a bag of taffy I will not share, and a body that need its own bed. Here go what I am leaving. My voice, my money, and whatever that was I sang at the karaoke place on night two.

Kids, mama coming. Clean up before I get there.

Gatlinburg, I will be back. Not soon. But back.

Love, The lady in the orange

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Sampling All The Moonshine And Wine

Sampling All The Moonshine And Wine
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Down here sampling all the moonshine and wine I went to three different places and was feeling fine

Yall thought I was playing when I said that in the caption. I was not. Three. Wristband on, glasses on, pink two piece on, and a floor that was already tilting a lil bit by the time somebody took this picture.

Place one. Walked in serious. Read every label like I was gone be tested. Asked the man questions. He answered. I nodded. Sampled six. Bought nothing. Told him I would be back. I was not back.

Place two. Less reading. More sampling. This the one in the picture, all them jars behind me, every flavor of moonshine God ever allowed and a sign that say all jars twenty six dollars like that is a deal. It is not a deal. I bought two.

Place three. Wine. Thought that would slow it down. It did not slow it down. By the third pour I was best friends with a couple from Ohio and had agreed to something I do not remember agreeing to. If yall from Ohio and you reading this, I am not coming to the cookout.

And that is how a grown woman end up feeling fine on a Tuesday afternoon in the mountains with a lanyard round her neck and a bag of jars she got to carry back to the car. Fine. Not drunk. Fine. There is a difference and I was standing right on it.

Somebody get me a water. Toodles.

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Best Birthday Card Ever, And It Was Two Dollars

Best Birthday Card Ever, And It Was Two Dollars
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Exhibit B in the case of who is the favorite. Yall remember exhibit A, the picture from way back with her hand on my shoulder. Here go the follow up.

My sister gave me a birthday card. Inside the card, in her own handwriting, it say:

Look at you! Moving on up!! I upgraded you. $2.00 for a $2.00 HOE. Ha Ha!!

And taped inside, two whole dollars. Two ones. Not even a two dollar bill, which would have at least been a collectors item. Two regular ones like she pulled them out the cup holder.

Now. She said she upgraded me. So I am guessing last year was one dollar. I dont remember last year. That tell you exactly what I did with the dollar.

I want yall to understand something. Coco can afford more than two dollars. This was not a budget thing. This was a decision. She sat down, picked the card, wrote that, laughed at it by herself, then went and found two ones on purpose. Thats effort. Thats love. Thats also slander and I will be pressing charges.

I read it in the middle of everybody and had to put the card down and walk out the room. Came back, read it again, walked out again. Best card I ever got and I have gotten cards with actual money in them.

Two dollars. Framed. Going on the wall next to the family pictures so every guest who come in this house gotta ask about it and I gotta tell the story.

Coco, thank you. Next year I expect five. Inflation.

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Last Time I Went To Vegas
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Last time I went to Vegas I was with Lildon and all my cousins. Whole crew. Too loud for every room we walked in and not one of us cared.

This time it was me.

Last time he had the aux. He always had the aux. You could not get a song in edgewise when Lildon was in the car, and if you tried, he would turn it off, look at you, and turn his back on.

This time I had the aux. And I played him. Every booth, every bar, every spot on the Strip that let me get near the music, I put his songs on. All of them. Some of them twice.

Thats what this is. Me, night time, walking the Strip with a drink in my hand and a song in my chest, doing the lil dance I do when his music come on. Yall see it in the video. The hand, the shoulder, the face. I did not plan to dance. His music dont ask you.

Last time we took a hundred pictures and I cant find half of them. This time I took a hundred videos and every one of them got his voice in the background. On purpose.

Somebody at one of the booths asked me who that was playing. I said my cousin. He said he go hard. I said I know.

So Vegas got the same soundtrack as last time. It just had one less person singing along. And every time a song came on I said his name out loud, to nobody, and kept walking.

Lildon. We still playing you. Every trip. Every booth.

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Raymond & Brown Tour

Raymond & Brown Tour Recap
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Twenty six seconds of a three hour show, cause thats all my phone got before I put it down and acted right.

Yall want a recap, here go the recap, in the order it happened to my body.

0:00. Lights go red. Whole building go quiet for one second and then it dont go quiet again for the rest of the night.

0:05. Screens come on. I am in the upper level and I still felt that. Ion care how high up you sitting, when them screens light up you in it.

0:09. Fire. Real fire. On the stage. From the seats it look like a lil candle, in ya chest it feel like the building came on.

0:14. The dancers hit in all white and somebody behind me screamed like she owed them money. It was me. I screamed.

0:20. Full stage. Everybody out. Every light on. Every phone in the building up at once so it look like stars from where I was.

0:26. Phone down. Thats where the video stop and thats where the night started for real.

I am not gone lie to yall and say the upper level is the same as the floor. It aint. But the upper level got the whole picture. Floor people saw a man. I saw a show. And my feet was in sneakers the whole time so I am the one who walked out of there without limping.

Voice gone. Edges gone. Money gone. Worth every bit. If they come back through, I am going again and I am not taking nobody who gone sit down.

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Kentucky Kingdom Wit My Favorite People

Kentucky Kingdom Wit My Favorite People
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Yall know I don’t buy the park picture. Twenty five dollars for a photo I could take myself? Aht aht. I been saying that for years.

I bought the park picture.

Look at it. Look at it and tell me I was wrong. All of us under the sign, the whole crew, the fountain behind us and every single face doing something different. Thats why I paid. You cant get all of them looking at the camera at the same time, so you pay a stranger to try and even he couldnt do it and thats what make it perfect.

Left to right cause yall gone ask. The baby on my hip already done with the day and it was 11 in the morning. Me in the pink pants that I will defend to my grave. Big girl in the glasses and the pink shorts trying to look calm. The one in the red throwing up the peace signs cause she cannot take a picture without her hands doing something. Lil man in the front with the pink skirt and the one finger up like she got a point to make. My son in the white tank looking exactly like his daddy next to him, same face, same stance, same “hurry up” energy. And Jimmy in the red trunks holding everybody together on that end.

We rode everything the tall ones could ride and the lil ones waited with me and a funnel cake. Somebody cried. Somebody lost a shoe in the wave pool, found it, lost it again. Somebody fell asleep in the stroller and got carried to the car like luggage.

Thats it. Thats the memory. I aint gone dress it up. Best twenty five dollars I spent all summer.

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