Memories

September 14. Mama Arlene day. Every year I come sit with her and every year I got something to tell her, so here go this year’s.

Went out there in the blue. Locs down, no makeup, cause she would have said girl why you dressed up for me. Put my hands on the stone and stood there a while. The flowers from last time still holding on. Somebody else been by too, there was a new bunch on the right I did not bring. Thats her. People still coming.

Her stone say it better than I can. Loving wife, mother, friend, nanny and sister. Every one of them words got a room full of people behind it who would tell you a different story about her and every story would end the same way, with her laughing at something and telling you to eat.

And the cardinal on the stone. If you know, you know. She did not miss a game and she did not let you miss one either.

Six years now. It dont get easier, it just get familiar. You learn where the ache live and you leave it room.

So here is what I told her this time. The kids getting big. The lil one got her nerve. I am still doing the most and still not sorry about it, and she would not want me to be. And I miss her. I told her that last. I always tell her that last.

Miss you beautiful. Happy birthday Mama Arlene. We love you.

He ready. Give em people a problem today.

Look at that face. LOOK at it. That is not a nervous first day face. That is not a mama dont leave me face. That is a face that already know he finna run that classroom by lunch. Teeth out, eyes squinted, both fists balled up like he about to say something slick. He four and he already got a mugshot smile.

Outfit check, cause yall know I did not send him out here regular.

White tee, fresh, the lil logo on the chest. Black cargo pants that I had to roll up once. And the red and white Jays that cost more than my first car payment, on a child who will be in a sandbox by 9:30. I know. I know. Dont say it. I said it to myself while I was tying them.

Hair done the night before. Two braids, tight, so nobody gone be sending home notes about it.

He walked out that door like he been going to school for years. Did not look back one time. I was the one standing on the sidewalk with my phone out doing the most. He was already gone in his head.

To his teacher, whoever you are, I am praying for you. He sweet. He also do not listen. Both things is true. Call me if you need me, and you gone need me.

First day down. Pray for that school. Toodles.

Dear Gatlinburg,

Its been real. Ima be honest, I did not expect much from a mountain town with a pancake house on every corner, and you humbled me. Birthday celebration complete. I am headed back home to my kids and I am taking a jar with me.

Ole Smoky, this part is for you. Yall let me sample every flavor at the counter like I was a judge on a show. I stood there in the orange romper with a fan on a lanyard round my neck cause it was ninety degrees in that barn, tasting moonshine out of lil cups, nodding like I knew what I was nodding at. I did not. By the fourth one I was just saying mmm. Anyway I bought two. The one that taste like a pie and the one that taste like a mistake. The mistake one is for Jimmy.

Look at this picture. That is a woman who has been on vacation exactly long enough. Curls holding up, smile on, fan in hand, feet in slides that been walked in for three days straight. Somebody’s uncle in the back pretending he not looking. He was looking. He can look.

Here go what I am bringing home. A jar of moonshine, a jar of the other moonshine, a bag of taffy I will not share, and a body that need its own bed. Here go what I am leaving. My voice, my money, and whatever that was I sang at the karaoke place on night two.

Kids, mama coming. Clean up before I get there.

Gatlinburg, I will be back. Not soon. But back.

Love, The lady in the orange

Down here sampling all the moonshine and wine I went to three different places and was feeling fine

Yall thought I was playing when I said that in the caption. I was not. Three. Wristband on, glasses on, pink two piece on, and a floor that was already tilting a lil bit by the time somebody took this picture.

Place one. Walked in serious. Read every label like I was gone be tested. Asked the man questions. He answered. I nodded. Sampled six. Bought nothing. Told him I would be back. I was not back.

Place two. Less reading. More sampling. This the one in the picture, all them jars behind me, every flavor of moonshine God ever allowed and a sign that say all jars twenty six dollars like that is a deal. It is not a deal. I bought two.

Place three. Wine. Thought that would slow it down. It did not slow it down. By the third pour I was best friends with a couple from Ohio and had agreed to something I do not remember agreeing to. If yall from Ohio and you reading this, I am not coming to the cookout.

And that is how a grown woman end up feeling fine on a Tuesday afternoon in the mountains with a lanyard round her neck and a bag of jars she got to carry back to the car. Fine. Not drunk. Fine. There is a difference and I was standing right on it.

Somebody get me a water. Toodles.

Exhibit B in the case of who is the favorite. Yall remember exhibit A, the picture from way back with her hand on my shoulder. Here go the follow up.

My sister gave me a birthday card. Inside the card, in her own handwriting, it say:

Look at you! Moving on up!! I upgraded you. $2.00 for a $2.00 HOE. Ha Ha!!

And taped inside, two whole dollars. Two ones. Not even a two dollar bill, which would have at least been a collectors item. Two regular ones like she pulled them out the cup holder.

Now. She said she upgraded me. So I am guessing last year was one dollar. I dont remember last year. That tell you exactly what I did with the dollar.

I want yall to understand something. Coco can afford more than two dollars. This was not a budget thing. This was a decision. She sat down, picked the card, wrote that, laughed at it by herself, then went and found two ones on purpose. Thats effort. Thats love. Thats also slander and I will be pressing charges.

I read it in the middle of everybody and had to put the card down and walk out the room. Came back, read it again, walked out again. Best card I ever got and I have gotten cards with actual money in them.

Two dollars. Framed. Going on the wall next to the family pictures so every guest who come in this house gotta ask about it and I gotta tell the story.

Coco, thank you. Next year I expect five. Inflation.